just when the good times comes, bad times comes without knowing.

On a serene morning,
He left us.

I feel hurt in a thousand ways.
To move on is the hardest thing to do
Because, he mean a world to me.

Seeing him in pain is painful
But learning the truth that he's gone broke my heart even more.

I loved him more than anything.
More than i love my parents, i should say.
Because of him, this is how i am now.

He brought me up ever since i was still a baby. now I'm 17. that is how long we've been together
He taught me so many things in life.
So many useful things that someone couldn't afford to do it for me

Be humble.

Everyday, i prayed that he would stay long.
Long enough that he would see me getting a good job.
Seeing me settling down and have a family.
Good life.

I had plans.
I want to take care of him and my grandma
Because at times, when i think back of those rough days,
There were so much troubles in the family.
I didn't want that to burden my grandparents.
I want them to have a good life. care free life.
But now, i don't have a chance to do it anymore, for him.

Don't skip prayers.

We were living under the same roof for 15 years. and one of those days in 2007
We parted. i cried. cried so badly
Because i wanted them back together with me.
I was just 15, no one would hear me. i have no say.
The family problems. I couldn't care less.

I remembered.
The first thing i did every morning, was to find him and my grandma.
and no one else.

When i had to face the most stressful period during O lvl and to juggle it with the endless family problems which kept coming in, my grandparents were the one i would find. He would hug me and asked me to stop crying.
He protect as when he can. He supported me in everything that i do.

Always remember god.

The times when we sat together in the living room. Then he would call me to massage his head.And when his hair gets messy, ill comb it for him.

He showered me with so much love and happiness
The kind of happiness no one could ever get from a grandpa.

I was in school yesterday and i saw kueh dadah.
He remembered every single thing that i love and what i hated.
He would buy me those kueh whenever he made his way to yishun.
He would buy jack fruit for me too because he knows i love it.

Because he know i was afraid of cats, whenever we went to the coffee shops and there's cats.
He would stack the chair for me so it would be high enough so the cat's fur wouldn't touch my legs.
But of course, he had stopped doing it for me already.

He loves chocolates, just like i do.

Everything remind me of him.
So many things to say. so many good memories. My grandpa, he was a very good man. A man, many would idolise and love.

It was a great loss to many of us. I cried, my grandma cried, my mom cried, so many people cried.

He's not coming back and he's alone now.
how?

My life, is not a box full of chocolates anymore
Empty.

So empty that i think sometimes, I'm just faking a smile, the laughter's.
Faking that I'm okay but thinking of it, I'm actually not.

I do not know, if i could be me again. maybe yes, maybe no. i don't know. :(

One moment, ill be OK. Without knowing, i will think back of those times and ill cry to myself again.

But compare myself to grandma. she suffered more than i do.
They've been together for 45 long years
Bitter sweet memories, the ups and down they went through those years.
And suddenly, he's gone.
My grandma is alone.

She felt so lonely that almost all the time she would talk about him.
She will teared quietly. BUT I SAW!

crushed period till i don't know when. no mood for everything. lose interest for so many things.

thank you everyone for being there for me, muchly appreciated :)

al-fatihah.